(im)perfect quest for love

Hilarious and flawed stories about my personal dating life

It is more than two decades since the launch of commercial online dating sites started. I still remember the dail-up sound connecting to the world wide web. If you have forgotten or maybe too young to experience just hit play and lisen.

In 2020 even if most of the world is in lockdown due to COVID-19 and we wash our hands more frequently than ever before. And Perhaps some of us are contemplating new hobbies like soap carving or Navel fluff collecting. Romance isn’t dead. It just exists primarily within the digital world. One in five people between the ages 25-34 have dating apps or online profiles, one of the most popular being Tinder. More astonishing and to my suprise, more tinder users are male than female. Numbers from 2015 state that 63% of users were male. This kind of contradicts the male deficit paradox described in an earlier post. Read it here.

So, why are men specifically flocking to instantly gratifying, fast-paced dating apps? Tinder is like a game and feels satisfying to our reward-wired brains. Relationships are often described as “inherently game-like”. For example Sean Rad the founder of Tinder explains that “Tinder works is the way people tell us they see the world. “Men walk around, they see girls, and they say in their heads, ‘Yes, no, yes, no.’” This is further strengthened by Professor Andrew Colman, a psychologist and game theory expert at University of Leicester in the U.K. Explaining that Dating Apps are like a game. And for men, when it comes to potential mates selection, the more games they play at once, the better. People tend to assess potential partners according to investments, risk-reward behaviors, and other factors that mirror the way we analyze a game. Game theory, for instance, explains why we love “the chase.” A man’s engagement to date and court for a longer period is a signal that he is likely to be a catch or a good man.

More so, it creates a mentality of commodification, that people are seen as easily interchangeable as both sexual partners and love. In other words dating profiles creates a “shopping mentality”. Interestingly men are three times more likely to “like” than women (46% males swipe “like” of the time compared to 13% of women)

 

One thing is certain: Whether Tinder is used for fornication, one night stand followed a fabulous walk of shame or for finding a Mr.Right lies just as much in the eye of the swiper as it does in the way people choose to represent themselves.

Despite the fact that more men are actually on the Tinder, women spend more time swiping. Users spend an average of about 35 minutes on the app, which is pretty wild when you think about all the swiping your thumb has to do. During these COVID-19 and lockdown times, perhaps this fact may cheer you up: Time goes fast when swiping on Tinder. Whether you are going all in and swiping right on everyone or feeling picky, chances are that you are spending more time than you realize on the app.

Finally, if you are serious about Tinder, the peak swipe time is around 21:00 (9 pm). Optimal matching days are also considered to be on Mondays and Tuesdays, as opposed to the weekend.

Lastly, have a look at these statistic from Pew Research Center, it may give you some statistics to back up all the time spent on Tinder. Personally, two of my committed relationships started via Tinder… But now, I lets just say I say refer to those blast from the past ex-lovers as “The OCD Man” and the “Homeless Dude.” More to come on those experiences later.

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