(im)perfect quest for love

To single everywhere, my hope that you can find the experience of dating a great journey, fun challenging yet also scary.
Let’s think about a single as a contestant at a game show of jeopardy. Contestants are given various subject categories and they need to come up with the question. Your Category is single life and the answer is dating. What is the question? You could come up with several winning questions.

1. What is one of life most energizing, exciting and can cause more anxiety and probably pain than anything else?
2. What’s the most debated and confusing topic?
3. What activity can lead to more growth than any other?
4. What’s the activity for which singles get the least and often worst training?
5. What activity has routinely as the most life-altering consequences of all others?
6. What activity is one of the most important and weightiest and yet about the bible the most read book in history has nothing written?
7. What activity do people long to do over, the right way this time?
8. What is the activity for which there are few rules in today’s society, yet there is a need for many?

Ahhh, dating, how often we heard it longed for, hated, outlawed in some spiritual communities, put down, revered, and obsessed over. It remains the topic that takes up more than space in a single person’s mind than one wants to admit. Why is that? Because it is both fantastic for its potential for good and frightening in its potential for pain and reaction. And when it is inactive for some reason it can be highly depressing. For these reasons, some people spend a lot of time working on dating or run from it altogether. People give up when they have bad dating experiences and some people advise to even avoid it completely. I have for several reasons during my lifetime. I do understand the dilemma, on the one hand, dating can be painful, it can cause setbacks, be a not so good date like the guy and the ER and hurt particularly if you do end up in a bad relationship. But on the other hand, it can be the path of tremendous personal growth and happiness and even finding a long term partner. This is also something I have encountered.
So that brings up the question, how should a person date? I have lived, read, and studies this question for most of my adult life. Being a psychologist with a major in couple therapy. We ask our self what are wrong with us because we cannot seem to find the one match, we hear other people suggest that we should perhaps broaden our horizon and not only go after one type of person. Or my personal favorite after having been single for a longer period, people implying that you have become stuck in your ways and habits that there is no room for a second person in your life. I call that bullshit. This post and for several that will follow. I will try to explain the problem we experience with dating and steps and insights into how to solve such a problem in the jungle that dating is.

I will try to explain from my perspective and of course from sources (books, articles, and dating experts individuals) problems that cause stagnant dating and successful dating.

• Stagnant dating is when your dating life is nonexistent, just nonexistent as a perfect man (because seriously perfection does not exist, see more in this post.
• Unsuccessful dating when you are dating but it is not going well. That is you fall into recurrent destructive patterns such as attractive the wrong types (oh yes I been there), overthinking his behaviors, and becoming obsessed read this post.

But I will not only focus on the negative am aspects as described above, yet they are important to understand to move forwards. I want you to improve just as much as I like to find Mr. Right. So, posts will also include actions, stories and steps to take to improve your dating life.
I hope you will find inspiration to gain benefits and insights within the posts to come and enjoy the journey with me to find you the next person for you. Let jump right into to messy perplex jungle of dating!

But please do bear in mind that dating can be the good, the bad and the ugly. And the truth is that you will probably experience them all.

Please do remember this:

If someone wants you in their life, they should put you there. You should not be fighting for a spot.